In the still of the night

As I'm writing (ok, typing) this, I am sitting in complete darkness. The only light comes from the glare of the computer screen and the flickering lights of the cable box and internet router. I am on the sofa, laying next to my sleeping son. He is sick, his dinner and some snacks from earlier have reappeared several times tonight. This is my first experience with a sick child who is throwing up. Aside from spitting up in his early months of life, he has never thrown up before. I can't tell you how bad my heart aches for him. I know throwing up is not a pleasant experience, and when you have no idea whats happening, it must be even scarier. Yet, as I sit here, I am actually enjoying this moment. I'm not enjoying the fact that he is not feeling well and is in so much pain. I am enjoying the bonding time that we have had all evening. He has clung to me, not wanting me to let him go or lay him down. He is the most loving child when he isn't feeling well. All those times that he didn't want me to hold him or ran away from me have been wiped away, because I am the one he wants, me, the mom.

As I listen to his breathing and occasional snoring, I realize how blessed I am with this child. I have a happy, healthy, amazing little boy with a personality all his own. Although there have been rough times, such as the beginning of the tantrums (the terrible two's begin way before the age of 2) and changing his diaper (its a massive struggle some days), he is perfect. His smile brightens my day and his tender heart melts mine.

We will get past this sickness, he will go back to be the same little boy he was. And there will be more times that he rejects his mama. But I know that when it really counts, its his mama that he wants, and I long for those tender moments.


**I know, I've been gone for a while, but the things happening in my life haven't been for everyone to know. So, as of now, I'm back.**